Morality and Convinience

My friend: "Anyways, there's no point in me preaching. The moment of truth will dawn when you find your 14 year old daughter making out on the sofa"

Me: "Your views about the US families remains stereotypical ... People use the idea of *values* at their own convinience. Let me put it this way - I am not sure if my 14 yr old daughter making out on a sofa with her boyfriend would any more shameful than my 25 year old son visiting prostitutes."

That was definitely below the belt and in the heat of the moment I had indeed forgotten an important rule of a civil argument -- Do not make a personal attack.

We were having this standard discussion of whether or not to try and return to India after spending some time in the US. For the sake of brevity let me use the phrase "daughter argument" for my friend's argument. There are significant assumption made in the "daughter argument" --

1. There is a high likelyhood that kids raised in the US will lose the virginity at the age of 14.
   
2. When people in the US lose their virginity, it is usually at an inconvininet place symbolized by the sofa in this case.
   
3. The shame in the above act ( of an underage individual losing virginity ) is amplified if the person is a female.
   
4. values = morality in the sexual sense.
   

The first assumption is verifiable and found to be untrue

http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0KNI/is_12_8/ai_80233938

I could not find a study on the second assumtion. The third and the fourth assumption are mere opinions and I have a few counter-opinions.

Many times I have found people in India saying that the west might be richer but we have a higher spiritual heritage and values. Almost all discussion starting on these lines do not fail to point to the moral (read sexual ) corruption of the west and the "daughter arugment". Of course they also point to higher divorce rate in the west. In the end, they argue that the people in the west are now recognizing the spirituality of the east and traveling across the globe seeking it.

Words fail to describe the hipocrisy in the above arguments. Let's talk about morality. Why does morality always be equated to morality in the sexual sense ? Why does it have anything to do with the gender? Why is there no sense of shame when a person gives/takes dowry in his/her daughter's wedding ? In my opinion the dowry system is akin to extortion or male prostitution ( ok you need some really twisted argument for this one ) and it is an issue of much bigger concern than whether a person should be a virgin at the time of marriage. But such is the moral degradation of our people that dowry is not only socially acceptable , there is no shame associated with it. Similarly bribery has become a part of life and there is no shame associated with giving or taking bribes.

Yet another recurring arugment is what I call the gun-and-school argument. "Have you ever heard a 12 year old killing his friends in school in India". No I haven't , but please do not make the twisted argument that Americans are inherently cruel. Please blame it on the gun laws and the immaturity of the children. But who do I blame when I hear numerous stories of young brides being burnt to death because they did not bring enough dowry with them? Do I blame the subsidized kerosene in India ? Do I conclude that all Indians are inherently cruel ? After all these acts were not commited by immature children playing James Bond. Just in case you thought that I was talking about the India of the past, let me quote a report

"According to Government figures there were a total of 5,377 dowry deaths in 1993, an increase of 12% from 1992."

The source of the above quote is at http://www.indianchild.com/dowry_in_india.htm .

Finally my take on what many Indians would think is an indisputable fact --- The divorce rate in India is lower than the US. Yes it is and the demands/expectations from a marriage are also lower. There is stigma attached to divorce which again has a gender bais. More often than not, a divorce is blamed on the girl. I would not be surprised if someone came up with a study that an average Indian marriage is much more miserable than an average American marriage ( while they last ). Many marriages last just because the wife is not financially independent. So lets not use the word "value" in place of "desperation". My arguments notwithstanding, the divorce rate in the US is very scary

http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsUS.shtml

People should not assume a moral highground based on twisted logic. I once told my father that he makes me proud because he has never accepted a bribe and his simple reply was. " You should reserve your judgement. True that I have never accepted bribes. " and he then jokingly added " But I am not sure if I someone has ever tried to bribe me. In addition, I cannot assume moral highground because I have been forced to pay money to get simple things done."

In summary, I don't buy the values and morals argument for going back home. The one good reason for going back would be to change all this. And then one must ask -- Does one need reasons for going back HOME ?